Creative embellishment is sometimes required when listing properties. Here are some real estate descriptive terms and what they really mean…
“SOPHISTICATED CITY LIVING” – Next to a noisy bar.
“OLD WORLD CHARM” – Has some woodwork, needs cleaning.
“CONTEMPORARY FEELING” – Has no woodwork, needs cleaning.
“CLOSE PROXIMITY TO LAKES” – Impossible to park from April to October.
“WIDE OPEN FLOOR PLAN” – Previous owner removed supporting walls.
“SECURITY SYSTEM” – Neighbor has a dog.
“NEEDS TLC” – Major structural damage.
“UPDATED KITCHEN” – Sink no longer overflows.
“MOTIVATED SELLER” – Has been on the market for 14 years.
“CONVENIENT” – Located on freeway entrance ramp.
“MINT” – Someone has spilled mouthwash on the carpet.
“NEUTRAL DECOR” – No murals of nudes, or Elvis, but has brown walls.
“MOVE IN CONDITION” – Front door missing.
“COZY” – No room larger than 9 x 6.
“LIGHT OPEN SPACES” – Many holes in walls and ceiling.
“OUTSTANDING” – Painted purple, sticks out like a sore thumb.
“A WEALTH OF PERIOD FEATURES” – Dry rot, rising damp and an electrical circuit best operated in rubber gloves and wellies.
“BOX ROOM” – Suitable for accommodating one or two large cardboard boxes… folded.
“COMPACT” – Tinier than cozy.
“COUNTRY GENTLEMAN’S RESIDENCE” – No longer suitable for agricultural tenants.
“DECEPTIVE APPEARANCE” – It looks terrible.
“DELIGHTFUL RURAL LOCATION” – In flight path of nuclear bomber base.
“EASILY MAINTAINED” – Requires at least two gardeners and live-in maid.
“EXTENSIVELY MODERNIZED” – Former DIY owner had a breakdown under the strain.
“FOR THE GARDENING ENTHUSIAST” – Jungle-like overgrowth.
“LOCAL AUTHORITY GRANTS AVAILABLE” – About to be condemned.
“QUIET, SECLUDED SETTING” – On site of proposed dormitory town.
“RARE OPPORTUNITY TO BUY” – No one else wants it.
“SELECT NEIGHBORHOOD” – Beside sewage works.
“UNSPOILED” – Swampland.
“UNUSUAL FEATURES” – No roof.
“USEFUL OUTBUILDINGS” – No inside toilet.
“WITHIN EASY DISTANCE OF AMENITIES” – Next door to a pub and opposite a sex shop.
Happy Friday, everyone!
