Creative embellishment is sometimes required when listing properties. Here are some real estate descriptive terms and what they really mean…

“SOPHISTICATED CITY LIVING” – Next to a noisy bar.

“OLD WORLD CHARM” – Has some woodwork, needs cleaning.

“CONTEMPORARY FEELING” – Has no woodwork, needs cleaning.

“CLOSE PROXIMITY TO LAKES” – Impossible to park from April to October.

“WIDE OPEN FLOOR PLAN” – Previous owner removed supporting walls.

“SECURITY SYSTEM” – Neighbor has a dog.

“NEEDS TLC” – Major structural damage.

“UPDATED KITCHEN” – Sink no longer overflows.

“MOTIVATED SELLER” – Has been on the market for 14 years.

“CONVENIENT” – Located on freeway entrance ramp.

“MINT” – Someone has spilled mouthwash on the carpet.

“NEUTRAL DECOR” – No murals of nudes, or Elvis, but has brown walls.

“MOVE IN CONDITION” – Front door missing.

“COZY” – No room larger than 9 x 6.

“LIGHT OPEN SPACES” – Many holes in walls and ceiling.

“OUTSTANDING” – Painted purple, sticks out like a sore thumb.

“A WEALTH OF PERIOD FEATURES” – Dry rot, rising damp and an electrical circuit best operated in rubber gloves and wellies.

“BOX ROOM” – Suitable for accommodating one or two large cardboard boxes… folded.

“COMPACT” – Tinier than cozy.

“COUNTRY GENTLEMAN’S RESIDENCE” – No longer suitable for agricultural tenants.

“DECEPTIVE APPEARANCE” – It looks terrible.

“DELIGHTFUL RURAL LOCATION” – In flight path of nuclear bomber base.

“EASILY MAINTAINED” – Requires at least two gardeners and live-in maid.

“EXTENSIVELY MODERNIZED” – Former DIY owner had a breakdown under the strain.

“FOR THE GARDENING ENTHUSIAST” – Jungle-like overgrowth.


“QUIET, SECLUDED SETTING” – On site of proposed dormitory town.

“RARE OPPORTUNITY TO BUY” – No one else wants it.

“SELECT NEIGHBORHOOD” – Beside sewage works.

“UNSPOILED” – Swampland.


“USEFUL OUTBUILDINGS” – No inside toilet.

“WITHIN EASY DISTANCE OF AMENITIES” – Next door to a pub and opposite a sex shop.

Happy Friday, everyone!