Friday Funny – What Descriptive Terms in Real Estate Listings Really Mean…

Creative embellishment is sometimes required when listing properties. Here are some real estate descriptive terms and what they really mean…

“SOPHISTICATED CITY LIVING” – Next to a noisy bar.

“OLD WORLD CHARM” – Has some woodwork, needs cleaning.

“CONTEMPORARY FEELING” – Has no woodwork, needs cleaning.

“CLOSE PROXIMITY TO LAKES” – Impossible to park from April to October.

“WIDE OPEN FLOOR PLAN” – Previous owner removed supporting walls.

“SECURITY SYSTEM” – Neighbor has a dog.

“NEEDS TLC” – Major structural damage.

“UPDATED KITCHEN” – Sink no longer overflows.

“MOTIVATED SELLER” – Has been on the market for 14 years.

“CONVENIENT” – Located on freeway entrance ramp.

“MINT” – Someone has spilled mouthwash on the carpet.

“NEUTRAL DECOR” – No murals of nudes, or Elvis, but has brown walls.

“MOVE IN CONDITION” – Front door missing.

“COZY” – No room larger than 9 x 6.

“LIGHT OPEN SPACES” – Many holes in walls and ceiling.

“OUTSTANDING” – Painted purple, sticks out like a sore thumb.

“A WEALTH OF PERIOD FEATURES” – Dry rot, rising damp and an electrical circuit best operated in rubber gloves and wellies.

“BOX ROOM” – Suitable for accommodating one or two large cardboard boxes… folded.

“COMPACT” – Tinier than cozy.

“COUNTRY GENTLEMAN’S RESIDENCE” – No longer suitable for agricultural tenants.

“DECEPTIVE APPEARANCE” – It looks terrible.

“DELIGHTFUL RURAL LOCATION” – In flight path of nuclear bomber base.

“EASILY MAINTAINED” – Requires at least two gardeners and live-in maid.

“EXTENSIVELY MODERNIZED” – Former DIY owner had a breakdown under the strain.

“FOR THE GARDENING ENTHUSIAST” – Jungle-like overgrowth.

“LOCAL AUTHORITY GRANTS AVAILABLE” – About to be condemned.

“QUIET, SECLUDED SETTING” – On site of proposed dormitory town.

“RARE OPPORTUNITY TO BUY” – No one else wants it.

“SELECT NEIGHBORHOOD” – Beside sewage works.

“UNSPOILED” – Swampland.

“UNUSUAL FEATURES” – No roof.

“USEFUL OUTBUILDINGS” – No inside toilet.

“WITHIN EASY DISTANCE OF AMENITIES”¬†- Next door to a pub and opposite a sex shop.

Happy Friday, everyone!

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